Crying, Laughing, Loving, Lying

Yesterday, I sat down to write my last blog post of the year and the strangest thing happened: I began to cry. Well, maybe that isn’t so strange if you know me and how emotive I am. But, this was a super ugly cry accompanied by epic amounts of snot due to an ongoing sinus infection. And it wasn’t because I was sad, but because I was so full of love and gratitude. Gross!

I wanted to write a depressing story about the first Christmas after I estranged from my mother, but I just kept thinking about my Auntie, who has been my rock and biggest supporter over the past several years. I let myself feel just how much love I have for her and the tears started flowing. Then, I thought about my father and how much our relationship has grown and how I feel like we really know and respect each other on a super deep level. I became a leaky faucet of eye and nose fluids and it was honestly beautiful… to feel, at least. I’m sure it was visually disgusting.

I’ve come to realize that the depth of my feelings is not exactly common. I’ve been accused of being ‘too much’ by many people. But, I suppose that says a lot more about them than it does about me. I am a deep feeler. That’s who I am. My joy is often ecstatic and my pain is sometimes devastating. Anything in between is kind of a bore.

I guess my point is that I am deeply grateful for all that I’ve accomplished and gained this year. I’m grateful for my friends, my family, my job, my health and my relationship with myself. I’m grateful to everyone who reads my blog and for everyone who doesn’t. And I’m especially grateful for Kleenex.

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